Seattle
Memphis’s MySpace Page
Ok so what to do in Seattle? Me and Dan are in Seattle, last night was kinda boring.We went to the W hotel upscale nice chill vibe.I think the ratio was 10 guys to 1 girl. Tonight we are going big. I will keep everyone posted on how it goes.
Later Memphis
The first interview of Memphis before the show…
The Juicer Incident of ’08
Current mood: fascinated
Category: Blogging
There I was…the year was 2008…and I was the ripe age of 24 (yes, that’s right, from now I’m shaving off a few years, so sue me). October 7th, 2008…a day that will forever more be known as the day of the Juicer Incident of ‘08. First, let me give you some quick backstory. Earlier this year, my buddy got me tix to see The Montel Williams Show (he was a producer on the show). As it so turned out, I didn’t go to any ole Monty episode…I went to the mother of all free giveaway episodes! Everyone in attendance was gifted all sorts of nifty (and some not-so-nifty) items. Sure, there were some rather big ticket things, but the one that excited me the most was…THE JUICER.
Now back to the present, I have had a hankering to use my Montel Williams’ gifted Juicer for quite some time, but had not gotten around to it. The timing was never right. I had to wait for the perfect moment, in order to make it as glorious as I had always dreamed of. As a constant reminder of my need and desire to juice something, we have had a dry erase note in the kitchen about it for ages…additionally, my brother/roomie has had a “to do” reminder about it in his phone for months on end.
Well, last night was finally the night. We were going to juice something. So I went to our local Gristede’s (not known for its great produce selection) and tried to find something that looks worthy of juicing. Surprisingly, I find an intriguing, unrecognizable, unlabeled, appetizing-looking fruit that I figured must be a papaya or pomegranate or guava or some such thing - I’ve always loved a nice glass of Hawaiian Punch, so these 
seemed ideal. I paired the mystery fruit with some plums and nectarines (because what fun would juicing an apple or orange be), and bring it on home.
Now, juicing is serious stuff…plus, this is months in the making…so this is kind of a big deal. Yet, naturally we didn’t take the time to read the instructions. Please note, putting pits into a juicer makes it nearly catch fire. Furthermore, my brother could barely contain his excitement and in turn, wildly overturned and spilled a full can of Diet Coke. Spilling is ALWAYS funny. So is people falling down. But, I digress. Back to the juicing.
So I’m reveling in this whole experience, but after a few minutes of prep work, my hands started feeling rather strange. I didn’t think much of it. More peeling and playing with my food. A few minutes later though, my hands were in definite pain…figured maybe I was having an allergic reaction to the mystery fruit…after all, I am more or less allergic to every food in the free world. But please, do you honestly think I would let a little discomfort get in the way of my juicing - what do you take me for?
However, try as I may to ignore it, it increasingly felt like I either had lots of paper cuts or splinters. In fact, I thought it may have appeared that there were some odd things on my hand, although I figured I was hallucinating from the excitement of finally juicing something. But now curiosity was starting to get the better of me. So we researched all the fruits we thought it might be….papaya…NO…pomegranate…NO…guava…NO… none of them were a match. Hmm. What was this mystery fruit whose nectar I was about to consume? More research yielded nothing. I was at a complete loss. Wait! The receipt! And just like that…I had oh so very many answers…
PRICKLY CACTUS PEAR!
Say what? Never heard of it! But suddenly everything started becoming a whole lot clearer. A quick search of the internet told the tale…
“do not handle these with your bare hands…may cause infection…allergic reactions…”
Hahaha. Whoops. Evidently there are “glochids” on said fruit (much like regular cactii) that are very, very small sharp hair-like things that get embedded in your skin and are impossible to get out! I mean, who does this? Who does this happen to? LOL. And since when does my tiny, neighborhood supermarket sell exotic fruit of death?!? A “DANGER” sign would have been appreciated!
More research that basically amounts to the following - “you’re screwed!” The ultra scientific suggestions for removal from your skin include - let glue dry on your hand and then peel it off, use duct tape to do the same, and use a magnifying glass. Hahaha. WTF?!?
They are so small you can’t really see them and only know where they are because it hurts when that area touches something. So, I’m still finding them. All night long and all day today. I am a human cactus! I simultaneously am overjoyed and so very saddened. After all, we had included the evil mystery fruit peel in the juicing process, so we were then afraid to drink the juice for fear of stabbing our intestines. That’s right, after months of anticipation…I used my cactus-filled hand to pour the juice right down the drain.
Sure, I’ll probably live to juice again (cactus glochids permitting)…but I’ll never have my first time back. Yet another cautionary tale to think of before losing your juicing virginity.
brianstevenn
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